My four year old knows bad marketing
- Thu, September 13 2007
- Filed under: Marketing essentials
My four year old just started Montessori school, and she is an angel at school. But then she comes home, regresses to age two, raises hell, and generally brings me to my knees. I’m told this is normal as a child adjusts to their first full-day schooling experience. It’s either that or evidence of my poor parenting skills.
This week I have realized there were some marketing parallels in the behavior I see. This post is about making lemonade from a four-year-old lemon.
Yes, my four-year-old child knows bad marketing. Here are three rules of bad marketing courtesy of her:
1. If you want to say something, yell it from your current location, even if your mother is on another floor of the house. This is what I call “come to me” marketing. Bad marketing is putting your message out there and expecting people to come to hear it. Good marketing is going to where people are (mentally, physically, temporally) and delivering the message directly to them.
2. Get someone’s attention, but fail to deliver a compelling message. “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.” “Yes, sweetie?” Then forget what you had to say or make something up. Bad marketing is all about bad messages. Good marketing is about getting attention AND good messaging.
3. Throw a tantrum to get attention. Show how dire things are by kicking and screaming because the Hello Kitty stickers are missing. Bad marketers make their appeals apocalyptic and scare away the audience. Good marketers show how bad can become good. They are inspirational and aspirational.
So there you have it.
Oh, and a bonus: A free copy of Robin Hood to the first person to offer parenting advice as a comment on this post.
Comments
Which is scarier- bad marketing by a child or good marketing? Unlike most advertisers our kids know exactly what strings and buttons to pull and push to get what they need. Which is a great life skill, but can be taxing.
My advice to you, watch out for what I call “another quarter in the candy machine” marketing that is coming up. You know when an organization puts a message out there, that doesn’t move anyone, but they just keep saying it with a little change here and a little change there? 4 year olds are pros at that. They just keep putting another quarter in the candy machine hoping something good will come out of it. The trick is to hold onto your candy and your sanity. Good luck!
The marketing term “Sugar-coating it” immediately comes to mind when you talk 4-year-olds.
If memory serves, my best strategy was offering choices. Usually two along the lines of, “you can do what we ask you to do, and your mother will be happy and I will leave you alone, or, you can not do it and be swallowed by the jaws of hell. Your choice.”
My favorite is you give two choices, both resulting in the child doing what you want though she thinks she got her way.
Example: You are tired of her wearing snowboots in the middle of summer. You offer her two choices: “Do you want to wear your tennis shoes or your sandals?” Both are appropriate choices, and she feels like she’s in control by getting to choose.
Sometimes this works like a charm, other times she’ll explain to you (in a very loud voice) that she only wants the snowboots. It’s always worth a try.
What great advice. A free Robin Hood book will go to Zan, Don and Wendy. To the three of you - send me your snail mail addresses to robinhood(at)networkforgood.org
Fantastic post and oh so relevant. I agree completely with Wendy’s advice - always offer them two limited choices, perhaps even three. They now have a right to choose but you control the choices - isn’t that similar to cable options and life under communist rule?
The problem is when your kids figure out your sweet spot (doing informal focus group and product testing) and completely sucker you for another dessert or extra hour up past bedtime because they want more quality time with you, have been a very good older sibling, love you so much and are currently snuggling next to you. All my principles go out the window.
The last resort is strapping them in a baby jogger and going out for a walk/run. Fresh air, physical activity (for you) and limited access for them (in the jogger) always changes the topic for the better.
May I have a copy of your next book?
Katya,
I Love your book. I work at a church and much of it applies more than most churches would like to admit. For some reason churches feel marketing is a four letter word. I digress.
As for your daughter. I work at our church as the children’s pastor so I have seen many kids and many techniques.
Without knowing the specifics of your situation let me try to offer some advice.
1. The reason she is upset could be she is picking up behavior from other kids. Fix - reaffirm the expectations of the house whatever they may be and reinforce them through time out/ naughty chair ect.
2. Perhaps she is having a hard time transitioning to being a way from you during the day and misses you. Fix - explain that her behavior is out of line and will not be tolerated once you have explained that and she understands. Set a date for you and her to do something fun together away from the house and technology.
3. She could just need to do something to release her energy. Sitting can take it’s toll on a preschooler.
In fact I think I need to get up right now.
Thanks again for your book and blog love them both.
First, Mark, you made me smile. I’m going to have to buy a jogger, I think. Because not only do I have bad marketing at home, I have the onset of good marketing, as you do - they sure know the buttons to push. Kids are relentless market researchers - they will message test till they hit gold.
Sam, this is so wonderful I’ve printed it out and am posting it on my refrigerator. You are most generous to share this counsel. So happy to hear you liked the book!—Katya
I love this post. I have two daughters, ages 3.5 and 1.5. They share some of the clairvoyant genius that your daughter is demonstrating. I also love your book. The fact that my name is in the title is an added bonus!
My five year old knows great marketing
Scene: Monday night 10pm. I am VERY tired.
Mama. Mama. Are you awake.
Me: Go to sleep!
Silence.
Mama. Mama. I just need to tell you ONE thing.
Silence.
Mama, you’re the best mom in the whole wide world.
Great honey. Go to sleep.
Silence.
Mama…will you lie with me?
Thanks for the laugh Katya! 
While I don’t have any children (besides the furry, 4-legged kind!), I do have a husband who does exactly what you described in your first point (“come to me” marketing). Drives me NUTS!
I will keep checking back for advice people offer you, and hopefully I can apply it to the situation with my hubby!
~Jamie
Hey Katya,
Parenting advice? I wouldn’t dare! I have a 15 and 16 year old and the rules are changing all the time. I can share an insight though. Both girls went to Montessori school and we all LOVED it. However, I noticed that because there is so much wonderful self control taught and there’s a focus on peaceful coexistence…they come home and melt down, it’s too much to sustain!!! My suggestion, have some silly, wacky time together, sings songs really loud if she wants to, and spend a lot of time outside. These “neutral” activities allow her to let off some steam and open windows of opportunity for her to share what went on in her day. Another thing…my girls to this day love hearing about my struggles and frustrations, if something happened in my day good or especially if things went wrong. I think it gives them a chance to see that Mama’s not always so ‘together’ and again opens a window for them to share what they’ve gone through.
So much for not giving advice, huh?
Keep up the good work, I am still using and loving your book!
Katya, my daughter is 21. (Yeah… do I have your sympathies yet?) All I can say is… you survive. And so do they. And as a mother of a daughter, I can tell you that when they hit that point where they look at you and say something like, “You know, Mom, you were right about ....” Or when they catch themselves doing something EXACTLY the way you do it, and they smile in spite of themselves. Or you overhear them tell their friends, “Yeah, my mom’s cool like that.” Those are all little bits of heaven here on Earth. Mothers of daughters are so greatly blessed—no matter how hard that seems to believe at times!
BTW, Sam…. Bob Sheldon offers lots of good, free advice for church fundraising (NOT the bake sale kind, either) at http://synodrm.org/developement_update.htm
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Now that my Daughters are 10 and 15 they have become such great marketer that I have completely forgotten about the terrible 2’s (3,4,and 5’s)
The 15 year old know the number one rule of hard core selling… never take one no as really meaning “no” Just have to change to a new angle to the slow parents can understand 
Regards,
Mark
Buyu, Medyum, Medyumlar, Cinler, Buyuler, Nazar, Fallar, Yildizname, Hipnoz, Telepati, Reankarnasyon, Horoskop, Yorum, Tarot, Palmistry, Numeroloji, Konusunda Lider Site..!
Hi Katya. I enjoyed the marketing stuff but I’m more curious to know how your 4 year old (now 6) made out in Montessori school. I’m compiling, and eventually publishing, a statistical report and I’d love your input
medyum buyu medyumlar hoca yýldýzname fal medyumluk aþk büyüsü baðlama büyüsü
Get someone’s attention, but fail to deliver a compelling message. “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.” “Yes, sweetie?” Then forget what you had to say or make something up. Bad marketing is all about bad messages. Good marketing is about getting attention AND good messaging.
online computer degree AND online education degree
Now that my Daughters are 10 and 15 they have become such great marketer that I have completely forgotten about the terrible 2’s (3,4,and 5’s)
<a >High School Diploma</a> AND <a >Homeschool</a>
Now that my Daughters are 10 and 15 they have become such great marketer that I have completely forgotten about the terrible 2’s (3,4,and 5’s)
High School Diploma AND Homeschool